


A Scientist and a Ghost

by George_Benji



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Pranks, Scientist AU, Witch AU, Witchcraft, alfredo hates his job, deadly pranks, ghost au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2020-06-29 10:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19828300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/George_Benji/pseuds/George_Benji
Summary: Alfredo liked his job as a scientist with the Achievement Hunters at first... then they started summoning ghosts.





	1. mood: ghosting - mother mother

**Author's Note:**

> no joke i started this over a year and a half ago. i wrote this before achievement haunter was a thing. not to toot my own horn or anything but i kinda predicted achievement haunter.

Eight days, and counting. 

Alfredo checked his calendar once again, nine days. 

Calculating how long until he was going to quit his job was a bit of challenge. Factor in his apartments lease which he was planning on extending- ten days- when he needed to go shopping next- eleven days- and much, much more. Fuck.

Alfredo sat on an armchair, chewing gum and tapping his knuckles against the arm of the chair. If he quit his job in a month, he’d have enough money to pay rent for another month, but he still needed money for food. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do after he quit as well, considering he hadn’t applied anywhere yet. If he stayed at the job for longer than two months, then he’d need to extend his lease again, and at that point he might as well just start by extending it by three months in the first place…

Being an adult sucks.

Alfredo didn’t  _ hate _ his job, per se. It was fun… for a period of time, but at this point it’d become more dangerous than it was thrilling. 

The lab he worked at, known for its seeking of pushing biological science- achievement hunters some might call them, was currently working out a “cure for death”. The scariest thing to come from this was Dr. Haywood trying to kill Alfredo as well as Dr. Patillo and Dr. Free as an experiment to see if he could bring them back. The coolest thing to happen was the fact that their lab is now haunted. 

The problem though, is that Alfredo just does not fuck with ghosts. He was raised better than to follow white people and their bullshit.

Going into work everyday was a gamble to see if he would be murdered, or pranked by a ghost or coworker alike. In Dr. Free and Ghost Michael’s case, it was collusion between ghost and coworker to prank  _ and _ kill people.

Alfredo was the only one of the five scientists yet to conjure a ghost or spirit of any kind. Dr. Haywood conjured Ghost Jeremey, Dr. Patillo was able to summon the Ghost of late Dr. Ramsay who Dr. Haywood had effectively killed, Dr. Free had summoned Ghost Michael, and Dr. Tuggey had summoned Ghost Fiona.

Work was fun, woo science, but also scary, oof coworkers and ghosts trying to kill him. Honestly at this point, the only reason Alfredo stayed was for the money. For a while it was because he wanted to see where it would go, and apparently that answer is literal Hell. Alfredo had been encouraged by Dr. Haywood to read witchy-type books to see if any of that could help him in trying to get a spirit. So far there hadn't been any particularly interesting sigils to use so he was sticking to science, though he was always open to burying a spell just to see if it would work. (His grandmother would beat him into next tuesday if she knew he was doing this.)

Looking from his phone's calendar to his clock, he knew that he had about an hour before it was time to head into work. After grabbing his keys, he headed out for his commute to work, which wasn’t quite an hour, but it never hurts to be early for work.

\--

As he walked into work, Ghost Michael blew through him, speeding in the direction of Dr. Free’s office. The feeling of a ghost blowing through you is hard to describe, because it’s a physical object, but it’s also non-solid. It kind of feels like being submerged in dry water. Ignoring the ghost and heading to Dr. Patillo’s office to pick up some crystals, he gave a quick hello before heading to his own office to begin work.

Alfredo set out a glass tub, relatively as large as a hand mirror and rummaged through his cabinets until he found mercury to pour into the tub. Wearing gloves, protective eyewear and a face mask, Alfredo began to pour about an inch of the liquid into the container, which was set on a mat on the floor. Around the bowl of mercury, Alfredo laid out his crystals- jasper, amber, dolomite, jade, sapphire, carnelian, chrysotile, and smoke quartz. Theoretically meditating in front of this won’t really do anything except make it easier to summon a ghost, the mercury didn’t even do anything, he just thought it looked pretty.

After lighting a few candles for energy and concentration, Alfredo reached out his office to hand a “Do Not Disturb- Meditating” sign up. He then crossed his legs and shut his eyes, briefly considering how stupid this was, but whatever. While concentrating on summoning a ghost, Alfredo meditated for a while before he heard the noise of bubbling. Popping his eyes open, Alfredo watched as the mercury mirrored what looked like his own face.

“Uh… hello?” Alfredo leaned towards the mercury, careful not to touch it.

The smell of burnt marshmallow and the sound of boiling filled Alfredo’s relatively smaller office. The face in the mercury continued to develop before Alfredo determined that it was in fact, not his face but, however, someone who looked  _ very _ similar to Alfredo.

“What the fuck?” Alfredo screamed at the stoic face, blowing out his candles and jumping back.

The face opened its mouth, but before it answered, it jumped out the glass bowl, an entire body made of mercury.

“What the fuck?!” Alfredo repeated, jumping further behind his desk.

The mercury figure spun around for a moment before spotting Alfredo.

“Alfredo, help me,” the entity’s mouth spilled mercury as it spoke and it’s voice came gargled.

Fuck this white people bullshit.


	2. Chapter 2

Alfredo did the first thing he could think of, he picked a book up off his desk and tossed it at the entity. The book hit the entity with a splat and was sucked into the mercury. “What the  _ fuck are you _ ?!”

Then entity’s mouth opened again and more mercury spilled out. “Help me,” the voice was gargled, as if he was drowning in the mercury.

Alfredo yelped and cowered down behind his desk. “MOTHERFUCKERS SOMEONE COME HELP ME!!”

The mercury entity began to shake in place, it’s head pointed up, mouth open and eyes peering at Alfredo. “He-elp me. I’m trying to cross,” the entity sounded to be in pain and Alfredo moved a bit more behind the desk, “Alfredo help me cross the plane.”

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fu-” Alfredo took a deep breath. “What  _ are _ you?”

“I’m trying to cross to your-” suddenly the mercury dropped back into the pan it started in, and Alfredo sprinted out of the office.

“ASSHOLES!” Alfredo screamed, noting that Dr. Pattillo and Dr. Tuggey were sat in their offices just across from Alfredo’s.

Dr. Pattillo glanced up for a moment to say, “I just figured it was Ryan. You still alive?”

“ **_WH_ ** -YES. Yes I am still alive you lazy garbage bag assholes!” Alfredo was covered in sweat and panting.

“Yo, you okay Fredydoo?” Dr. Free cooed as he passed down the hallway.

“NO. NO I AM NOT OKAY. I’M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU.”

Michael floated through the hallway after Dr. Free, saying, “That seems pretty normal to me.”

Alfredo let out a grunt and distanced himself further from his office towards Dr. Ramsey’s office. 

The ghost of the man was napping at his old desk. Alfredo was unaware that ghosts  _ could _ sleep.

“Geoff,” Alfredo started, still deciding how he was going to hand in his two weeks.

“Dr. Diaz?” Geoff startled awake and squinted his eyes at Alfredo. “You okay?”

“Well… I wanted to ask you a question…”

“Uh…” Geoff glanced at the door, as if weighing his option of just leaving the room right there.

“It’s a ghost question.”

“Oh, well I don’t really have to eat, and I kind of can’t. Casper was closest to what would happen if I tried to eat. Me and Gavin tested this first thing when I came back-”

“No, no, Geoff I’m sorry but I don’t care and don’t want to hear about that. That’s gross.”

“Oh… What was your question then?”

“Well… I think I summoned a spirit today-”

“Oh! Where’s the lucky lady?” Geoff was looking around now, suddenly interested. “Baby’s first spectral summoning, I’m so proud of you Fredo-”

“No, again, I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t like anything I’ve seen or heard before…” Alfredo fiddled with his thumbs and looks down to the right away from Geoff.

“Hey, what went wrong?”

“The… thing… wasn’t summoned like how you or the others were, I didn’t use any ouija boards, or vacuums, or chants… I just set out some candles and crystals and meditated over a bowl of mercury and… I don’t know, it was weird.” Alfredo took a deep breath and Geoff nodded his head for Alfredo to continue. “The mercury took the shape of me I think? It rose into the air and called my name and asked for me to help it.”

Geoff looked deep in thought suddenly. “Do you recall anything it was specifically asking from you?”

“It said… it said something about how it was trying to cross or something? It needed my help crossing?”

“Hm…” Geoff reached into his desk and pulled out a notepad. “I think you should try the ouija board.”

“Fuck no!”

“Alfredo, it’s very easy and we can have more people with you, make it less scary… This sounds very serious and we might really be on to something here. Where’s your notes on this?”

Alfredo got quiet again.

“Alfredo. Where are your notes?”

“Uh… about that… I didn’t exactly have a chance to write anything down before I bolted and now I’m too scared to go back into my office.”

Geoff sighed.

Geoff let the rest of the office know what had happened and eventually it was decided that Michael and Jeremy would be in the room with Alfredo as he wrote up the rest of his report.

“I just want to punch the thing in the face,” Jeremy said to Michael.

“Jeremy you’re not tangible,” Alfredo pointed out from his desk as he wrote as fast as he could, glancing over at his set up.

“Fredo  _ you’re _ not tangible.”

“Man this stuff looks weird,” Michael noted, floating upside down to poke his finger into the bowl of mercury while his legs stuck into the air.

“Weird how?” Alfredo asked, getting ready to write a secondary observation.

“Weird like something’s in it.” Michael poked at the mercury, surprised when he took his finger back that the mercury was stuck to it. “WHOA WHAT?!” Michael flipped right side up and showed Jeremy finger before whizzing to Alfredo to show him his finger.

Jeremy had a devilish smile on his face as he slammed a fist into the bowl and then his face. “HAHA look at me!” Jeremy laughed loudly, making a face.

“You know what? I’m taking my lunch break right now.” Alfredo got up from his desk rushed to clock out and head to his car.

As Alfredo chowed a sandwich down in his car, he almost just drove away when Dr. Haywood approached him, Michael and Jeremy waiting just behind the building’s doors.

“Hey Dr. Diaz, I think you’ve made a breakthrough.”

“Oh, that sounds awesome,” Alfredo said in the driest voice he could muster.

“Come on, let’s go make some tests to see what happens.”

“No.”

Dr. Haywood was already walking away, confident that Alfredo would follow him. “No?” he stopped and turned, a confused look on his face.

“No. I’m on break and even if I wasn’t mercury is literally poison and if you think I’m going to be in a room with you and mercury then you can count me as sick for today and I’ll be home with the flu until you sort yourself out.”

Dr. Haywood laughed and walked back to Alfredo’s car. “Diaz, you know more than I do about your experiment,” he laughed some more, “I’m not going to kill you until I know how to do it too.”

Alfredo started his engine and headed home for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Alfredo sighed that night, staring at the notebook he’d brought home with himself. Something about this wasn’t making any sense. He couldn’t decide if it was the fact that he’d met himself from alternate reality or that he’d somehow met a new kind of spirit.

He groaned, knowing full well that he was going to be up all night thinking about this. He started scribbled the alphabet and numbers down onto a page in his notebook, writing “yes” and “no” at the top and the ripping off a corner of paper for a planchet.

“My name is Alfredo Diaz, can anyone hear me?” his voice more of a whimper than anything. He was already wanting to punch himself in the face. That morning he was planning how quickly he could quit his job and now he was making a homemade ouija board just because he couldn't stand to not know what had-

The paper  _ moves. _

Alfredo rips his hands away from the notebook, his whole body shaking. Nothing about the atmosphere has changed. How is this  _ possible _ .

Taking a deep breath, he places his hands back on the strip of paper and cringes when it moved right towards yes. Alfredo shakes his head and wishes he were dead as he moved the paper back to the middle of the page.

“Who am I speaking to?”

The paper moved again, just a little bit. Like a little circle. It doesn’t give him any answer though.

“Is this what-  _ who _ I met in my office earlier today?”

_ Yes. _

Alfredo’s whole body shivers. Fucking Hell. Fuck this dumb bullshit.

“Who are you?” The paper moves in a larger circle, but ends back in the middle of the board. “What do you need?”

_ H-E-L-P _ .

“How do I help you?” he’s not going to no. There’s no fucking way Alfredo is going to get anymore involved with ghosts than he is now. Fuck this.

_ C-R-O-S-S. _

“Do I need to help you cross?”

_ Yes. _

“How do I do that?”

_ R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R. _

“What do you need to remember?” Another little circle, but no answer. “Do I know what you need to remember?” Nothing. “What do you need to remember?”

_ K-I-L-L-E-R-N-A-M-E _ .

This sends even more chills down Alfredo’s spine. This is horrible. What the fuck is going on.

“What do you remember?”

_ T-R-E-V-O-R-1-M-O-N-T-H-L-O-S-S-A-N-T-O-S _ .

After this it feels like a weight Alfredo didn’t know he was carrying leaves his shoulders. He tries more questions but nothing happens. He breathes deeply and marks his conversation down in his notebook.

\--

The next morning, Ghost Fiona and Dr. Tuggey are looking over Alfredo’s notes with him, both of them whispering to each other.

“So the mercury stuck to Michael and Jeremy?” Dr. Tuggey asks.

“Yeah… I assume it had something to do with the spirit that touched it? Like maybe it’s stuck between planes of existence?” Alfredo taps his chin in thought.

“Not possible,” Ghost Fiona says. Alfredo breathes a sigh of relief but still quirks an eyebrow up at her. “That’s not really how things work. It’s more like… there’s Here and Not Here. So this spirit is either Here or Not Here and it sounds like he’s Not Here.”

“Well,” Dr. Tuggey points out, “it sounds more like he’s Here and Not Here… So he might be stuck. It sounds like he is.”

Fiona makes a face and floats across the floor of Lindsay’s office, as if walking around. “Well it works more like… So you two are Here, right?”

Alfredo and Lindsay both nod.

“And I  _ look _ like I’m Here but really I’m Not Here.  _ I _ am stuck between Here and Not Here. I’m really Not Here, instead I’m in the afterlife, kind of. Like imagine a piece of paper and you two are drawn on one side in pencil, but I was drawn on the other side in sharpie, so I bleed through a little bit. You two can’t see the other side, and are only on one side. I’m only on one side, but I can be seen on the other one as well. There’s not really an inbetween. This spirit sounds like he was drawn in sharpie on a different piece of paper on top of this one. So he’s not Not Here and he’s also not Here.”

“You lost me a little bit at the end,” Lindsay admits.

“Yeah,” Alfredo agrees.

Fiona shakes her head. “My point is that you’ve found a new kind of ghost and different rules might apply. Like how he’s able to apparently posses objects? None of us can do that.”

Alfredo shakes his head. “So he’s not not Not Here, but instead not Here Here and Not Here?”

“Okay now you’re speaking gibberish.”

“Hmm…” Alfredo grabs his notebook off of Lindsay’s desk and heads back into his own. He’s taken aback when he finds Gavin and Michael sitting by the bowl of mercury. Well, Gavin’s sitting, Michael’s floating criss-cross applesauce upside down and a few feet off the floor. “What the fuck, guys?”

“Oh! Sorry Fredo, I was just curious about the mercury that can stick to Jeremy and Michael. We were testing some stuff out still,” Gavin gives him a smile as he scribbles stuff into a notebook.

Alfredo sighs and tries his best to put on a Work Face and not an I Hate You face. “What did you find?”

“Well the mercury stopped sticking to them a few hours after you left. It was really interesting actually- Do you want to see my notes?”

Alfredo shakes his head “no” and goes to sit at his desk. “Actually, Gav, can you have a look at this.” He opens his notebook to the ouija board conversation he’d had the night before and Michael floats over, interested. “I was wondering if any of this made any sense to you.”

“Hmm…”

“When you asked questions he didn’t know how to answer, just moved the planechet around in a circle,” Michael points this out.

“Yeah, I know-”

“Maybe you could try figuring out why he didn’t know. Like maybe part of the reason was his name.”

“I agree with Michael-boi on that one. He did say Trevor and one month and Los Santos. I assume something happened to someone named Trevor a month ago in Los Santos that he knows about? Maybe Trevor was who killed him? This is some really heavy stuff Fredydoo…” Gavin shakes his head at the paper.

Alfredo sighs and shuts his notebook. “Yeah… Well, thank you for your help. Please get out of my office.”

“No problem!” Gavin trots out of the office and Michael races through Alfredo to follow after.

As soon as they exit the office one of the candles Alfredo had left out lights itself.

“Oh what the fuck. You can’t be a normal ghost for like three seconds?” The candle flickers in response and Alfredo pulls his notebook back out to start recording.

“Is this the same guy that I’ve been speaking to?”

The flame grows impossibly high for a moment before returning to normal.

“Okay, a flicker is no and a high steady flame is yes.”

The flame grows high and steady for a moment. Alfredo wishes he weren’t so good at this.

“Is Trevor who killed you?”

The flame shrinks the slightest bit and flickers wildly.

“Resounding no I guess… Are you Trevor?”

The flame grows taller and steady for a moment.

“Okay… Trevor… Did you kill someone a month ago?”

Flickering.

“Did someone kill you a month ago?”

The flame grows taller.

“You were killed a month ago in Los Santos?”

The flame grows taller until it puffs itself out. Alfredo collects the bowl of mercury and candles and then sets them on the ground outside of his office.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s a week later and Alfredo is pouring over his desktop at work. He hasn’t made contact with the spirit since the candle incident and he’s starting to hope that his work life has regained some semblance of normality.

And then Dr. Haywood walks into his office.

“Out,” Alfredo barks as soon as Ryan opens his mouth.

“But I didn’t tell you-”

“Nope! I don’t give a shit! I’m having a good day today and it’s going to stay a good day. I don’t need your crazy bullshit in my office.” Alfredo risks a glance up. “Out.”

Ryan groans unhappily but submits himself to exiting the office. “Fine!” he calls from the hallway, “But come see me when you decide that your curiosity is too much.”

Less than ten minutes later and Alfredo is standing outside of Dr. Haywood’s lab, raising his hand and then lowering it again, not sure if he is really willing to talk to Ryan to figure out what’s up with his spirit. He picks his hand up again, only to bounce back as Ghost Jeremy rushes through him.

“Whoa! Fredo! Sorry man, didn’t see ya there!” he calls as he races off down the hallway.

Alfredo flips him off from behind and then enter’s Ryan’s lab.

It’s the biggest room in the building, weird fucking tanks and tubes and metal shit  _ everywhere _ . Though, that’s not to say that it’s not comforting… Ryan does have a single picture of himself hung up. The picture was supposed to be Ryan with his arms around his ghosts but for some reason they don’t show up in printed photos. So it’s just Ryan by himself with his arms hovering in the air.

“Dr. Diaz! I’m so glad you came!” Ryan calls cheerfully.

“I already regret it!” Alfredo calls back, just as happy.

“Ah…” Ryan’s smile drops, “Don’t be so… glum. Here-” Ryan pulls the protective eyewear he;s wearing off of his eyes and walk around his table to lead Alfredo. “I wanted to see if we could replicate your original experiment… So that we can contact this new ghost.”

“Mhm, that’s totally not shifty as all fuck.”

“W-...” Ryan trails off. “Okay, that’s fair-”

“Yeah, especially after you double killed Ray.”

“Well to be fair I didn’t kill him the first time, I just summoned him-”

“Or like when you killed Dr. Ramsey.”

“Okay, but he was brought back so we’re getting closer to our goal-”

“And then when you tried to kill that one time a month ago with the gun and my lunch and the vending machine.”

“Yeah but you didn’t fall for-”

“Or when you tried to kill a few weeks ago with the balloon and the maid costume and the scarf full of skittles.”

“That one wasn’t completely serious-”

“Or when you tried to kill a week ago with my car and the bomb and the pipe and the fire extinguisher.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that you keep shaving cream in your glove compartment-”

“Or when you tried to kill me yesterday with my lunch again and the red bull and the adderall.”

“Okay!” Ryan holds his arms up, “I  _ get it _ . I’m not the… most trustworthy coworker of yours, but!” Ryan holds up a finger, “You can’t deny that I do look for results and that I’m very good at getting them.”

“I really,  _ truly _ could argue that that statement is not true.”

Ryan heaves out an annoyed sigh. “Okay! I’m  _ sorry _ -”

“Oh but you weren’t sorry when the chainsaw fell out of the closet in my office?”

“W-” Ryan quirks his head in confusion. “When was that? I had nothing to do with that one.”

“Yeah I know, I was just fucking with you.”

“Oh, thank God-”

“Yeah that one was with morning and Michael and Gavin put it in there.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Ye-up.”

An awkward pause floats through the air, as well as Jeremy, “... So the experiment…”

“Yeah, what about it?”

Ryan claps his hands together, “Cool! So we can go over your notes and try to replicate it and then as it works or doesn’t work we can add in variables. Here-” Ryan touches Alfredo’s elbow and leads him to the desk, “let’s go over your notes on the experiment. Please be as detailed as possible.”

Jeremy floats just behind Ryan, looking over his shoulder silently.

“Well I put out some silver shit, candles and crystals and then a spooky body appeared, ate one of my books, yelled at me and then died.”

Ryan picks up a pen towards the beginning of the explanation and begins writing excitedly, only to stop mid-way through the story. “Dr. Diaz, I’m beginning to think that you’re not taking this as serious as I am.”

Ghost Jeremy mimics everything Ryan says silently and Alfredo is thankful that he’s not like 2% more unhinged or else he would laugh and then face Ryan’s laugh.

“Nah, I’m taking this 100% serious. Watch this.” Alfredo opens his notebook to his notes on the experiment. “Bowl of mercury, five cadles spaced 2 on each side and one opposite of me. And 8 crystals.”

“Mhm.” Ryan marks this down on his notes. “What color candles?”

“White.”

“What kind of crystals?”

“Jasper, amber, dolomite, jade, sapphire, carnelian, chrysotile, and smoke quartz.”

“And all you did was meditate in front of it?”

“Yep.”

“Hm…” Ryan leaves the desk and goes to grab a few book off of his shelf. “Book about crystal magic. Let’s see what you were doing.”

“To be fair, I have no idea. I just layed out what I had.”

“Hmm…” Ryan rubs his chin in thought. “It might be possible that…”

“That what?” Jeremy prompts, suddenly interested.

“That our little Alfredo here is able to conjure spirits.”

“But-” Alfredo buts in, “what if instead of me being magic… Me and this spirit have some sort of… spiritual bond? Huh? How about that?”

“Not possible,” Ryan states flippantly.

“I think it’s possible,” Jeremy mouths quietly.

Ryan looks up from where he’s making notes, a confused and interested look on his face. “Well actually… it might be a possibility. I don’t want to rule anything out…” Ryan grabs Alfredo’s hand and begins studying it and marking more down in his notes. “Did you know that your crystals are mostly for focusing or storing energy?”

“I mean I just assumed that all of them were.” Alfredo yanks his hand back self-consciously.

“Now here’s the interesting part.” Ryan looks up from his book. “The ones that weren’t for energy were for… let’s say  _ bonds _ .”

“What does that mean?”

“That these crystals held energy that was used to summon a  _ friend _ .”

Jeremy’s jaw drops in mock surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can someone say "yo dude you found ur inspo again yeehaw!" bc.... yo y'all i found my inspo again!! yeehaw!!!


End file.
